Attached

Trav and I keep commenting on what lucky parents we are. We have the funniest, happiest, cutest kid, AND she has dimples. Anya is doing amazingly well for only being home a month. When we first met her, she was shy, would barely look us in the eye, wasn’t smiling much, hardly peeped a sound, and was hesitant about being around us. Now, she acts like a normal toddler, getting into everything and babbling constantly. She is completely attached to Trav and me (I used to ask her on occasion if she was attached yet), and we love seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. Her favorite things are being outside, playing in the bath, and eating. She eats at least as much as I do, sometimes more, and she is a very neat eater for the most part.

As for me, I’ve got a new respect for moms. I fight everyday to keep up the house, take care of my family and make sure we’re getting our exercise in and eating healthy. Finding balance is a challenge!

I am a self-confessed control-freak, so letting go has been a struggle. But, with prayer and work, as well as some insightful words from my mom, I let Anya control most things, except when she goes down for naps and to bed for the night. One of the things I’ve learned is that children make progress quickly, but they also have days or a week here or there where it seems their brains are overloaded, and they take a break. My dad mentioned today that I should beware that at age 13, the brain fairy will come take her brain away for about a decade. But, I digress. Regarding this week’s brain vacation, Anya isn’t using any of her baby signs, and she isn’t really eating anything by herself, preferring instead that we feed her. I haven’t summed up what I think about the job of mothering, other than that it’s really confusing and insightful, stressful and fun. There’s something amazing about having a child that makes you want to change yourself for the better. When you screw up and your own child gives you grace, it makes you work hard to be a better parent, and give that grace back in abundance.

I think Anya has had a lot of fun with all the new experiences she’s had, visiting the apple orchards, the pumpkin patch, the zoo, and tomorrow, experiencing Halloween as a cute little pig with some new friends. We are having a lot of fun with her, and although she keeps us busy, we always enjoy the funny moments she brings to our lives. She fits right in, and I told Anya today that I was definitely attached.

It is great to be back in the good ‘ol USA. We missed our king size bed and our dog, Daisy. We missed English and home cooked food. We missed friends and family. We missed warm days and sunshine.

While we were gone, our friends and my mom helped finish Anya’s room, left us home cooked meals in the freezer, cleaned our house, mowed our yard, babysat Daisy, brought toys and playthings for Anya, filled our fruit bowl and fridge, and decorated our house. We were so overwhelmed by everyone’s efforts in welcoming us home, we felt like we were on a toned-down version of ABC’s Extreme Home Makeover show. Welcome Home, Raish Family, Welcome Home!

Cheri Beckman is a talented muralist and painted the ladybugs and dragonflies in Anya’s room, as well as the polka-dots that matched the bedding set. Beth Blanc is a talented jewelry designer with a former profession in interior design who dressed the windows, and her husband Bob finished off the trim around the room and helped with the finishing touches. Anya’s bedroom is the best looking room in the house without a doubt, so you know who holds the highest honor in our home.

Transition

I’m coming up for air! Today was Anya’s first good day since we arrived home. She was crying a lot; she is going through the grieving process. We immediately initiated a routine when we arrived home. She is still having a hard time with naps. At first, she would cry for 5-10 minutes when we’d put her down. Lately, she has cried for 2 hours or more. The first 2 days, we went in several times to soothe her, but to no avail. She was also jet lagged. Then, we tried 2 days of leaving the room completely, which didn’t work either. Today, I stayed in her room for 20 minutes without talking to her, and she cried for only 20 minutes more, so maybe we’re making progress.

We were feeding her, but she would throw a fit after every bite or two of food that we would put in. So, we decided to let her feed herself, which she can do anyway, and the tantrums have decreased. This also occurs with putting on shoes. She wants to choose her shoes and put them on herself, so we let her do what she can and help her when she “asks” for it. It’s hard not to want to help her, because she was left to do for herself at the orphanage. When she eats, she uses her spoon to catch food that doesn’t make it in her mouth. She’ll scoop it off her face for instance, like a parent would do for a baby. Anything that drops on the floor, she shows immediate concern. She doesn’t understand the concept of “all gone”. So, when there is no more applesauce for instance, she gets very upset.

Do all moms feel sorrow at their loss of freedom once they have the child they’ve wanted for so long? I’m feeling a bit of that now, but not too badly. I feel fortunate that Anya has bonded so well with me. She follows me everywhere and wants to be held a lot. She holds onto my legs while I’m cooking. I get hugs that melt my heart, and I’ve gotten a couple kisses too. The last week has been hard for all of us, but today was a great welcome. A recent bible study I read taught me that God is working through me to be the mother He wants me to be, and honestly, that is a great comfort. Thank you God, for our daughter, and for the gift of parenthood, no matter how hard things get.

How Great is God?

Thank you to everyone for all your kindness and sharing our excitement in becoming a family! God is so amazing, it just takes our breath away. There are no words to express how thankful to Him we are for this amazing little girl who is now our daughter.

Everything is going great. Anya is sometimes still nervous about Travis, but each day I think she falls a little more in love with him! She is so smiley that we can hardly take our eyes off of her. She loves her hat and her sunglasses, and is in love with shoes. She is eating everything in sight, so her ribcage is filling in! She loves being outside and is fascinated by the mirror. We are seeing her mind grow by leaps and bounds already. Her only disappointment with us is when she has to take a nap or go to sleep at night. She has labeled the bedroom as "bad" and shuts the door anytime we go near it, which really cracks us up.

Parenting feels so natural that it kind of surprised me. I thought I would need to get used to the change, but it really fits like a glove.

Tomorrow we should have all the paperwork we need as well as Anya's passport, so will be on our way to Moscow on Saturday. Sunday we plan to take Anya to the zoo, and then Monday and Tuesday we will visit the U.S. Embassy and the doctor, as well as a few other sights to take pictures. We are excited to get home, but we will miss our CHI family in Tver! We will see you all soon!

Gotcha Day!

Have you ever had such a wonderful day that you can’t really describe it because it feels so amazing? That is what we feel today. I want to stop writing at this point, but this is a journal.

We started the day by picking up Anya’s birth certificate and adoption certificate at Tver’s record keeping office. Alexei and Masha drove us to Konakova where we picked up some chocolate, cake and flowers for the orphanage staff. At around 1:30, we arrived at the baby house. This was a big day, as we were the 4th couple to arrive to take their child home. A caretaker we hadn’t seen before brought Anya in to us, so I picked her up and brought her over to the couch. The caretaker told us her schedule and described what she ate, which was “everything”. Lastly, she gave us a gold cross on a blue piece of ribbon – Anya had been baptized. We took off her shoes and clothes and re-dressed her with the clothes we had brought, although we kept her tights on, because the ones we brought stretched from her head to her toes. We took some quick video and pictures, and then it was time to leave. The caretakers and staff all said goodbye, and we thanked everyone as we left the orphanage.

We took some pictures outside, then got in the van and left. On the way back to the hotel, our little girl was taking it all in, babbling and eating her raisins. When we arrived back at the hotel, Dima and Olga had arrived from bringing back Jan and Katarina from seeing their 2 boys, so everyone was there to welcome us back from springing our girl out of the orphanage! We went upstairs and got situated, and called Trav’s parents on skype so that they could meet Anya for the first time. They were very excited to see her, and the feeling was mutual for her as well. She babbled a lot and enjoyed tapping on the computer, and then, I felt a warm sensation on my leg. So into the bathroom we went, to change all our clothes. We figured out the bathroom routine later today, after buying her a little person’s toilet, but then she preferred the big one instead. We gave her lots of praise! We took a stroll to the mall and back, and later had dinner with Jan and Katarina. She ate a whole banana, a half box of raisins, some vegetable soup, and chicken. The chicken made her eyes get big and we got a huge smile from her in approval. She didn’t make a peep in the restaurant, and Jan and Katarina were so impressed with her behavior. Heck, so were we!

When we got back to the room at about 8:15, we got her ready for bed. She was agitated, but not upset, so we sang her some songs and gave her “mishka”, her teddy bear, and then we prayed with her for about 5 minutes while laying our hands on her. When we opened our eyes, she was laying down comfortably. We talked with her quietly for about 15 minutes, and then she fell asleep with her thumb in her mouth. All in all, a perfect 10 day. She didn’t seem that keen on being with us in the orphanage, but today made all the difference in the world. A family makes all the difference in the world!

Countdown to Gotcha Day

Alexei told us today that next Tuesday, September 23rd, is The Big Day. This is one day later than what we thought. To be honest, we have no idea how the 10 day period is actually counted. It’s not consecutive days. It’s not business days. It must just be when it’s convenient for the Who’s down in Whoville. So, we are going to post our daughter’s picture that day, because that’s like our due date – our family will be born! We are looking forward to Gotcha Day, and are psychologically preparing ourselves for the transition.

We had another visit yesterday morning, and we are happy to report that she DID NOT cry upon our arrival, and furthermore, she allowed Travis to hold her. She was fussy through most of the hour and a half we had to visit with her, until the caretaker came in, and then she was extremely happy. She actually bounced her torso up and down and wiggled to get out of Trav’s arms, then walked quickly towards the caretaker with a huge smile on her face. We can now get a little bit of a chuckle at this obvious emotional display of joy for someone other than us. At first, we were insulted. But now, we’re just very aware of the immediate feelings of loss she will have, and so Trav and I are prepped for game day. We’ve got our plan, and we’re going to stick to it. Here it is: Pray.

Trav and I realize that there are going to be difficult times, but the fact is, this is going to be great. We don’t want to take ourselves too seriously, because there’s going to be a weird period where we’re figuring things out, and it’s going to be quite interesting, if not funny. So if you’re reading this, please say a simple prayer for the Lord’s guidance in all that we do. And that’s it! We’re ready!

PLAN A

My experience of becoming a mother has so far been comprised of nerves. I hope I’ll be a good mother… I hope I’ll be the mother my mom was to me… I hope I don’t royally screw this child up…I want to be the mom that “has it all together”. Since my daughter is not officially mine until next Monday, I haven’t yet had thoughts of “Oh God, what did I get myself into”?

So, the last 6 months or so we’ve taken classes - mostly me, because I’ll be a stay-at-home mom. We took the obligatory adoption education class together, which overwhelms you with any and all challenges that may come with an adopted child; we’ve taken a course on how to talk to your child about adoption; I took a course on CPR; and, I attended a women’s bible study at my church called Wisdom for Mothers. This study includes a great workbook Denise Glenn put together as part of her Motherwise series, and I learned a lot from the other moms in the group. I admit that I was a bit scared of all that was shared among the moms, but it gave me a reality check. First of all, I was glad we were adopting only one child. I’ll be 36 next month, and I think I’d like to have 3 more children (to Trav’s one more), but I think it’s best not to rush into having too many children too soon. Also, I hear that my love for cooking anything that takes over 15 minutes is going to go by the wayside. I’m still in denial over my get-ready routine in the morning. I understand I won’t be going to the bathroom by myself for a long, long time. Well, like the billboards say, there are opportunities everywhere to connect with your child.

This trip I brought 3 books: The Bible, Freedom for Mothers, by Denisse Glenn (I’m missing the first several weeks of my newest bible study and the spill-your-guts portion shared by moms), and Baby Signs, by Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwin. I received Baby Signs as a gift at my shower a couple weeks ago, and although I’ve always brushed off comments about using sign language for children, my inner-self told me I needed to consider it. Travis and I have learned some Russian, and we thought that it would be helpful to our daughter in communicating. In reality, it acts only as a small comfort for her to hear her native language. We learned from her caretaker that she is able to make the sounds that begin to make words. The other day, her sign for wanting to feed herself more food was to arch her back and throw her head back in indignation. At that moment, I thought, how are we going to COMMUNICATE? Words are not helpful to those who can’t speak, and our daughter could not speak Russian or English. Like comedian Bill Engvall says, ‘Here’s Your Sign’.

So, the authors, both PhD’s in the field of Child Development, speak about their two decades worth of studies in this field and the results. The science behind baby sign language makes sense: we come into this world with 100-200 billion brain cells (neurons), but baby’s neurons are unconnected. The connections enable us to organize thoughts, to see relationships among things, to remember past events and to master language. When a child has an experience that allows him to provoke thought and he is able to take an active role (through signing) to communicate, the child’s neurons strengthen much faster than if he had to wait to speak. The benefits studied of children who sign also include: reduced frustrations with communicating (i.e. less tantrums and crying), an increased child/parent bond, increased emotional and intellectual development as compared to the average child, and an increase in the child’s confidence. Sold!

Yesterday and today (Visits # 5 and 6) we got to see our daughter, and we practiced a few signs with the things she has been most interested in: eat, light, more and book. She is pointing a lot, and can already identify the giant teddy bear in the room when you ask her in Russian “Gdye Mishka”? Hopefully by the time we leave Russia, we will have a few signs down so that we can communicate the important things.

Yesterday was by far the best day yet. She was smiling and laughing a lot, and she is making a lot of eye contact. She still does not enjoy being left by the caretakers, and sometimes seems too happy when they come to get her, which admittedly is very hard for me. But Travis reminds me that this is very good for her to have such strong attachments to the people here, and that it will be like that for us one day too. And, he’s right. This morning she was a bit tired, so I held her for about 30 minutes after she ate and played with us. I had to stand and rock her back and forth like a baby, because that’s the way she wanted it. My arm muscles were tired, but when I started to sit down she let out a few peeps to let me now that I was not allowed to do so. If I’m spoiling her, I really don’t care. She deserves it right now.

We don’t know when we’ll be returning again, but there are 2 other families here with Children’s Hope and we understand that Alexei, Masha and Dima are very busy driving everyone around here and there to get things done. Luckily for us, one of the new couples here have a son at Konakova, so we’ve had more visits this week than we expected. We can’t begin to describe how amazing it has been for us to have close relationships with the adoptive couples we’ve met at the hotel, and it’s a blessing that we’ve become like an extended family. Every couple we’ve met are Christians with their own adoption story, and it’s evident that God’s hand has been a part of this whole experience for all of us. The one statement that blessed us most this morning, maybe this entire adoption process, was something that Jennifer said, and that was this: many people may feel that adoption is Plan B. But God intended it all along as Plan A.

Anna and Ivan's Wedding

We had a great time Saturday, completely filled with wedding activities surrounding Dima’s sister Anna and her husband-to-be, Ivan. Dima picked us up at noon to go to his parents’ apartment, where we were treated like family and invited to a big table of food as soon as we walked through the door. The mushrooms we had picked on Thursday had been made into potato pancakes, and they were very, very good. There were also meat patties, liver, beef and rice steamed in cabbage leaves and cold, shredded turkey covered in clear jello (which failed to make our top 10 list of favorite Russian foods).

After eating, we helped with the decorations while Dima’s cousin Sergei dressed himself in a white wedding dress hanging in the hallway. This, we were told, was good luck for the wedding, but not a traditional custom. The more beautiful of the two brides was waiting for the groom to come, and she looked stunning. When the groom arrived, the bridesmaid stopped him at the door and asked several questions regarding his bride, which if answered incorrectly, meant that his friends had to cough up money so that he could pass to the next question. After answering half a dozen questions, he went to the 5th floor, where he had to answer another series of questions, and correctly identify his wife’s lips on a sheet of paper that had been kissed by all the women present at the pre-wedding party. Once inside the apartment, Sergei appeared in his wedding dress, where the groom once again, had to answer a question by presenting Sergei with a gift, which finally allowed Ivan access to his bride.

Afterwards, we went to a 5 minute civil wedding ceremony, held in Tver. Once the bride and groom are officially wed, they visit several of the monuments in the town, eating chocolate and toasting with champagne. One of the monuments in Tver included the World War II memorial, which leads to a small chapel at the crossing of a bridge. Flowers were laid at the memorial, and then the bride and groom locked an engraved padlock around one of the bridge’s iron spindles, throwing the keys into the Volga river.

A two hour ride later to Kalin, the home of famous Russian composer Tchaikovsky, we settled into the evening’s dinner and celebration. The tables were full of fruits and typical Russian salads, caviar toasts and vodka, steamed fish and potatoes, red and white wine, and champagne. Many games were played through the night, with rounds of dancing and eating in between. There is a definite routine in Russian weddings: eat, toast the newlyweds (drink), play games, drink, dance, and drink again. Travis and I managed to maintain our sobriety by having only a sip after each toast. It is a traditional custom to follow a shot of vodka with a salted cucumber spear, which of course, we had to try once. Other than a few people, we realized that most everyone had managed to avoid drinking too much. We made several new friends Saturday night, and by the end, the groom’s best man was asking Travis and I to “come back to his village to drink vodka”. Um, nyet. Our trusty and sober friend Dima was the only one taking us anywhere. No one driving that night drank anything more than a sip of champagne after the first toast, as there is a severe 2 year loss of your license for doing so. The police randomly pull drivers over for any reason at any time, so your chances of getting caught are very high. So, at 2 am, we made it back to our hotel safe and sound and happy to experience yet another Russian tradition.